The lotus flower of our life experience begins to bloom from the seeming depths and dregs. Here, now, is where I begin. So much has taken place in 2014 that my head and heart and body and soul reel externally.
And yet, internally, something – many things – have changed forever. There is a knowing, a peace, a stillness, that warms my heart and fills my being with love and light. This influx is self-allowed. The presence of simple being is the only reality and to access this place one only needs to give permission.
This is the trick that has been hidden from man for centuries. It is each human’s sovereign right to be whole, at peace and full of love. This knowing is the foundation for all else. Last week, I participated in my first practice of Yoga Nidra in conjunction with the sounding of the 5 Tibetan seed syllables. The Yoga Nidra facilitator, Michelle, used the words “inner refuge” as she moved us through awareness of focus on all areas of the body. Inner refuge. Inner refuge. Inner refuge. This is another truth that has been left out of most teachings.
What is this inner refuge? This is who we are, who we always have been and who we will always be. Inside our being, inside our heart is a knowing, a peace that surpasseth all understanding of our trained indoctrination to focus solely on the external – especially for solace and love. Ahhh, the love and solace originates within our own being. The power, strength and courage to be is self-generated.
I have always wanted to feel safe and protected. Now, this day of 24 November 2014, I know with certainty that I am and always will be safe and protected for that is my reality. There is no thing else. We were trained to live, work and play in a web of illusion…a world that was never real or complete…a world external cut off from Nature, and more damaging, cut off from self. We had to be someone else to win or receive approval and acceptance it seemed. There are a few who held on to their native ability to feel good on their own. However, I, like most, was driven to receive peace from approval and acknowledgement from others or society.
Empty and anxious, I was hypnotized into struggle and fear. There can never be peace if you are trying to force life or yourself into being something that you are not. It has taken more than a year for me to halt the artifice, halt the addiction of wanting to fit in and be accepted. Hopefully, for others, the disentangling from illusion will be much swifter. Almost all, well really all, that I was taught and accepted as truth from society was illusion – weaving a web of an artificial life that needed constant attention (to include fear and anxiety) to unsatisfactorily sustain. It is not and will never be possible to create an artificial life based on illusions of the mind. It has taken this time more than a year to reconnect to being, the simplicity of connecting to my life force and Nature.
Go within and explore who you are. Go within and activate love for yourself – your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual aspects. Go within and balance light and shadow. Go within and embrace all that you are. Know that you are as whole and perfect as you were when you took your first breath – healthy, pure and powerful. Connect from this space to the earth, to Nature, to the majesty of life all around you. This is life. This is real.
All else is illusion. If there is fear, a need to force; if there is anxiety or confusion, be patient and still for a moment. Go within, connect with love and peace. Then look again. Feel again. There is only love and peace. We have been trained to create illusion in lieu of connecting with our strengths, our powers and connecting with all life on this Earth. All is as it should be.
Not sure where I am or what I am moving toward. Me, the I am inside my physical vessel, is connected to the highest and best in the Universe and at peace with all that is. I am so grateful for this life. I trust myself and the Divine guidance and I surrender to the highest and best in this moment and all that is. I am grateful for all that is and send blessings out from my inner refuge. These blessings are seeds that add to the beauty of life for all beings on this beautiful blue green planet.
From St. Ethelburg’s site, these words are all right.
Justine Huxley writes:
“St Ethelburga’s principles include seeking opportunity in crisis, and putting values into action. Countless times we have told the story of how the Bishopsgate bomb taught us how renewal can emerge from conflict, and how our patron saint, confronted by the horror of the plague, chose selfless action above self-preservation.
So as coronavirus sweeps across the world, how will we walk our talk?
Recognising both the potential for suffering the virus is bringing (whether lost livelihoods, the risk of economic crash and recession, sickness or the loss of vulnerable loved ones) as well as the potential for unecessary panic and hype – as a community, we are beginning a dialogue about how we approach what is unfolding through the lens of our core values.
Ethelburga gave us a role model of someone who put her own needs aside to serve others. Whilst heeding medical advice responsibly, we also want to watch ourselves to see where primitive impulses to hoard pasta and toilet paper can be overridden by deeper values that seek fulfilment in service to others. As we begun this conversation,,a colleague shared with us the Bishop of St Albans’ coronavirus ‘golden rules’ – aspirations to live by our faith, rather than by self-interest. Bishop Alan Smith’s invitation includes thinking about our neighbours, phoning or checking in on the isolated, not demonising any ethnic groups, sharing rather than stockpiling, and living life to the full – choosing trust and openness over fear. (4) How vital that these voices are heard amid the onslaught of panic-stricken news!
One obvious opportunity we are being shown is some of the behaviours we need to transition to a zero carbon economy. A month ago, humanity was struggling to commit to the rapid change needed to stay under two degrees of global heating. Now we find out just how quickly our attachment to air travel can be put aside. When the motivation is there, meetings can be conducted online and holidays can be relinquished. As has been widely reported, China’s greenhouse gas emissions have dropped by a quarter (1). While the hardship and tragedy involved are not a desireable route, staying local and consuming less could be a valuable lesson.
Positive impacts may also emerge for biodiversity. As China’s government temporarily bans the trade and consumption of wild animals as part of their ongoing efforts against the epidemic, we move closer to seeing an end to the illegal wildlife trading that has brought animal populations like pangolins and civets to the brink of extinction. (2)
China has also shown us the impact of working patterns on carbon emissions , giving weight to the campaigns for reduced working hours. A global recession may present a real barrier to the political will for ecological goals or it may reconcile us to the fact that decarbonisation is going to be painful whatever way we approach it, and that human populations need controlling – whether we do that willingly or have Earth wisdom do it for us.
If we enter into the challenges consciously, the willingness to for some of the current changes might endure. An entire labour force commuting four times a week instead of five would make a significant dent in both pollution and emissions, and research has shown that reducing working hours actually increases productivity. (3) Maybe there is a message in there about how transition might not just be bleak sacrifice, but could yield hidden benefits. What else could we discover when we disrupt ingrained assumptions behind our extractive work ethics? What happens when are forced to slow down and prioritise our local neighbourhoods and a simpler way of life?
If London goes into lock down, we will be thinking as a team about how we can embrace that change. Can the disruption to ‘business as usual’ help us reprioritise how we live our mission to reflect the needs of the time? Can we let patterns fall away that may have outlived their relevance? Can we use time away from events and outputs to deepen our strategic thinking or enable a new relationship between contemplation and action? (And we recognise many do not have the priviledge to approach it this way).
The links between pandemics and climate breakdown have long been known. Changes to weather patterns and ecologies change the dynamics of infection (6). There will be more new diseases, and more existing diseases behaving differently. These are part and parcel of the global imbalance we are creating and will be yet another challenge we need to meet with resilience and the full passion of our ingenuity and our deepest values.
St Ethelburga’s has increasingly oriented all its leadership programmes towards building resilience. Building strong bonded communities across diverse faiths and cultures, we have become adept at not shying away from worst case scenarios, walking the pathways of collapse in our imaginations as a rigourous inner and outer preparation. What some would label pessimism, for us is about ringing loud the bells that will wake us up, a call to summon the full depths of our courage and spirituality and apply everything we have to this time of ‘great losing and great opening’ (5).
China built a hospital from scratch in 7 days. That is something the powers that be would tell us is ‘unrealistic’. But it was necessary and it was done. This fact has stayed with me. It reminds me too, of another more personal memory. When I was younger, I successfully vaulted an iron gate that I knew was ‘impossible’, because danger was present and need of the moment demanded it. We need to know in our bones what commitment and decisive action can achieve. Because there is much change to make.
As one of my colleagues pointed out in our resilience planning meeting this morning, coronavirus invites us into a new, intimate awareness of our global interconnectedness. We breathe the same air, touch the same surfaces, connect via a billion invisible tracks across Planet Earth. We are indivisble from each other. As we surf the challenges before us, the real question is can we recognise the deeper opportunity behind it. That this knowing, born from tragedy, that reveals our interbeing might be a dark but ultimately merciful teacher – a doorway into a new relationship with each other and with our Earth. “
Justine Huxley, CEO, St Ethelburga’s Centre
#OpportunityInCrisis #ValuesIntoAction #DeepAdaptation #RadicalResilience
5. Phrase first coined by Vince Knowles, Associate of St Ethelburga’s and strategist for XR Money Rebellion.
6. As Kris Murray of EcoAlliance writes, “A really important message that we advocate is that protecting the environment will help protect ourselves from a range of natural disasters, including disease,”
From Corona Virus to Consciousness
With the widespread panic of pandemic flu in the air, whether creating the anticipated perception of illness in your mind to fight, track, and avoid, or experiencing symptoms that have you more sincerely worried for your wellbeing than ever before, there is always an equal opportunity to allow any form of collective hysteria to act as wake up calls to greater consciousness — within you and the planet.
Although perhaps not visible to most, this outbreak is evidence of how quickly consciousness is already waking up worldwide. I am not suggesting that due to consciousness awakening, a dormant virus known as Corona has manifested in many lives. What I can point out is how clearly the narrative of this global news story has put a lot of people into a constant state of fear. When steeped in fear, you enter survival mode where you must rely on the impulses and demands of your ego versus the instincts of your evolving soul’s wisdom. While I affirm the ‘fear of pandemic’ is more of a pandemic than perhaps any virus could be, there is no doubt that an outbreak of fear has entered our local and collective atmospheres. Thankfully, it will be unable to slow the progress of an awakening consciousness that cannot be opposed or denied. The faster consciousness wakes up, the more it speeds up the fabric of time. The faster the fabric of time speeds up, the less opportunity there is for fear to operate with any degree of influence over our awakening consciousness.
Using this notion of time distortion, the unconscious patterning of fear stays in power when the fabric of time slows. As the fabric of time slows, progress halts. The only way the fabric of time slows is when the evolution of consciousness is paused in some way. And, of course, the only means through which this occurs is when human beings align with fear.
I am not saying there isn’t a coronavirus. I’m just very clear on its highest purpose. The fabric of time is a constant ticking mechanism of measurement, and yet, within each passing moment is a field of infinite spaciousness that can be molded to match the whim of intention. This means a clock never stops ticking, but you can either slow or speed up the ticking of time to allow days to pass as seconds or seconds to span the dawn of days. And yet, this slowing of time can only occur, if humanity is more aligned with fearing the worst, than utilizing this climate of uncertainty as a space through which the consciousness of all continues to unite and awaken as One. So how do you use this pandemic of fear as a catalyst for greater conscious awareness? Just as many are using herbal remedies to address the onset of any symptom, from a vibrational perspective, our first line of defense is gratitude. First, I’ll explain why this is such an effective tool and then provide an interactive mantra to help you anchor its frequency throughout your field.
In order for gratitude to be a remedy for fear, it has to be opposite of fear in some way. Since fear is the withholding of your light, gratitude is the willingness to share your light for the benefit of yourself and wellbeing of others. Such a shift occurs through the cultivation of courage. Just as courage is the feeling of owning the beauty of your own inherent power, fear is a sensation felt when your power has been given to something artificial or outside of the effect of your will. Because gratitude contains a felt sense of celebration, through the expression of gratefulness, you are, in fact, stripping anything of the power you unknowingly gave away and reclaiming it as the embodied courageous presence of your soul.
In order to anchor the vibration of gratitude, it must be authentic in its expression. The only reason fear plays such a powerful role in anyone’s life is due to how authentically afraid anyone is capable of being. Here are some real world examples of how you can authentically choose gratitude, even during uncertain times like these: Now more than ever, people are covering their mouths when coughing and washing their hands on a regular basis. Without needing fear as a motivator, we can be grateful that such a virus has inspired a greater mindfulness in cleansing ourselves and being mindful of the purity of other people’s space of experience. While many schools have temporarily closed, it gives families opportunities to come together and receive the emotional support that allows such a pivotal moment in Earth’s Ascension to highlight the importance of cultivating each relationship to its highest frequency of resonance. Even for those who can’t afford childcare, there have been many teenagers in Washington state who have organized to offer free babysitting while parents go to work in support of their families.
While there is obviously a strong vibration of mass hysteria, many are stopping to ask deeper existential questions that wake each of us up out of the narrative of a dying matrix, swiftly moving us over into parallel timelines of rapid growth, acceleration, and expansion. While the matrix of an outdated paradigm was created as ‘patterns of doing’ to such an unconscious degree, this made it nearly impossible for any sentient being to pause throughout the day and realign with Source in moments of restorative beingness, our daily rhythm of ‘do, do, do’ has been interrupted by an opportunity to dive headfirst into an inner dimension of being, where there is nowhere to go, no one to be, and nothing to do but connect, align, grow, and expand during this pivotal time of rebirth. When you or someone you know is not so mesmerized by the changes taking place, these important times can be used as opportunities to get to know who you are emotionally and vibrationally, which helps align the subtle bodies of your energy field into greater harmonic concordance.
Lastly, when you express gratitude, you are acknowledging the presence of something as inherently containing value. Beyond each perception of how something contains value in the outer world, the prime value in anything, including the coronavirus is the consciousness dwelling within it. When you react fearfully to any form, you are subconsciously asking that form to stay informed, so you can continually respond fearfully towards it. If not wishing to react fearfully to any particular form, we implement the vibration of gratitude to courageously acknowledge the value of consciousness within it, which creates a deeper relationship between you and the form in view. When aligning with the consciousness of any form, through moments of gratitude, as co-creators of our reality, you are commanding the form in view to become its highest consciousness, which in this example, would invoke the coronavirus to dissolve back into its original form of pure eternal light.
To support your strongest immune system, wake up out of the matrix of fear, and reclaim the glory of your long-awaited courage, clarity, consciousness, and power, please repeat the following words:
“Thank you coronavirus for being the wake up call this world has needed. Even just the fact that I am saying thank you and coronavirus in the same sentence is already helping me dissolve spiritual superstitions that claim I’ll manifest what I speak out loud. Of course, such fanciful thinking could only be the inner workings of fear disguised as spiritual concept, and if I needed this type of pandemic environment to fully wake up, then so be it.
Thank you coronavirus for the mindfulness being instilled in so many beings. As we wash our hands, may we cleanse our realities from broken paradigms of corruption. As we explore more time for ‘being’ than lifetimes of endless ‘doing’, may the world take pause from unhealthy habits of survival mode to explore life from a deeper state of peace, harmony, and oneness. As friends and families come together, may this bring neighbors and communities together in intended peaceful assembly as our new 5D earth continues to be birthed in the glory of my awareness and presence.
Thank you gratitude for showing me how to create relationships with the consciousness in all forms, so not to be hypnotized by the power I unknowingly give to things outside of me. Thank you gratitude for showing me that the power of my perception is stronger than any pandemic of fear. In knowing it is so, I allow all patterns, characters, and agendas of scarcity, victimhood, fear, abuse, survival mode, greed, and corruption to be cleared out of my energy field, returned to the Source of its origin, transmuted completely, and healed to completion now. From this moment forward, as the co-creator of my reality, I command all power I unknowingly gave away to be swiftly returned to my energy field, I strengthen my immune system with higher frequencies of embodied integrated light, as I transmute the echo of unconscious form by acknowledging and praising the consciousness within it.
Because the consciousness of all is the consciousness I AM, I allow each moment of gratitude to return each form in view to the purity, holiness, and perfection of eternal light, now that I am ready, willing, and able to step forward as the truth and transmission of Source in form. May this intention heal my being, uplift each circumstance, and transform reality for myself, my family, my relationships, my friends and neighbors, for humanity at large and beyond.
Thank you gratitude for transforming coronavirus back into light. Thank you for reminding me the power that is always within me. And so I’m healed, transformed, and reborn as the light of consciousness I AM now.”
As we remember the word, ‘Corona’ means crown, we are undergoing a radical process to en-sure the fabric of time remains accelerated to restore balance and consciousness in every heart. As each of us reclaim the power of our crowns, we are taking back the throne of Heaven’s kingdom from a patterns of imbalance and unconscious addictive cycling that was only designed by the highest consciousness to be the very catalyst of awakening waking up within you. It doesn’t have to be done with aggression or fear, but with the courage of your highest truth that relates to the consciousness in things, no matter how anything seems or appears.
This is what it means to wake up from the matrix. If you are reading these words, I can confirm your waking up is well underway. Instead of fearfully interacting with uncomfortable feelings, physical symptoms, or scary news headlines, let’s us employ the power of gratitude to unite with the consciousness in each form, so to transform it back into light by honoring the value it offers.
On behalf of the Universe, the Akashic Records overseeing the Earth’s Ascension, and all Galactic Councils holding space for the awakening sovereignty of each sentient being, I am here with you every step of the way.
Victory to the light I AM now.
All For Love,
Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Fr. Richard Hendrick, OFM
March 13th 2020
Art: Daniel Holman
Wow. How do I deal with fear?
Fear is being foisted or rather forced upon us all at this time
Fear is dumped on us like trash = I feel drenched with it and yet…
I remember myself and
I breathe in the air that brings life and oxygen into my body
And I exhale with the carbon dioxide all that is not mine
I exhale with a deep sigh all the fears, doubts and worries inside me for transmutation
I remember some words from Clarissa Pinkola Estes that
“We were built for these times”
I know this is true throughout my being and in the core of my soul.
We were built for these times
And I breathe again in this truth
And I exhale all that does not serve
I remember myself in my body
My feet remind me I am connected to the Earth – our Mother
I ground myself to the Center of the Earth
I reach up and connect with the Divine
I Center in my Heart
I surrender all that was before and
I open to this moment now – free of fear full of Love and Light.
12/3/20 Blessings, Elizabeth
If I am out of alignment I am shown and I observe
When life is seemingly difficult, I am learning
To breathe, relax and open
To receive guidance
I breathe, relax and open
So as to be clear to listen
There is a flow, a knowing that comes from silence
Silence in my mind and stillness in my body
Still waters help me to go deep
Deep into the unknown
Here, I can taste and breathe the potential.
We are in uncharted waters now.
Most, if not all, needs to be re-examined
Kept if useful and release otherwise.
We are ready to be born anew.
26/2/20 Blessings, Elizabeth
Two weeks ago here at Findhorn Foundation, we had an internal conference for coworkers to join together as one. One morning, as we gathered together, there was a guided meditation for us to go deep into our reasons for being at the Foundation and to go deeper still into what wanted to come forth from the transformational field here. We were asked to go into the space where creation begins. It was cool. The following words came through me after…Blessings to us all.
Before we speak to each other
with each other
for each other
Let us take the time to connect
To breathe in the moment
To become present
in our bodies
in the space and place in which we find ourselves.
Let us move our energy into our hearts
and rest in this Love – this powerful fire that nourishes our whole being.
Let us rest in this Love that is Life and
Let us go deeper
Let us go deeper
and deeper still
Releasing and surrendering ALL that has come before this moment now.
Let us go deeper
To rest for a time
Into the unknown – where Love and Light are born, live and die
Let us rest for a time together in the unknown
Here we are together and
When we emerge
Let us speak from our hearts
26/2/20 Blessings, Elizabeth
As we move forward, I recognize my way of being is changing. All of the mental constructs I made to deal and survive the world of humans – that was all I knew or, shall I say, all that I was expected to learn.
All of the mental is crumbling and has even for awhile. So much no longer serves that I ask:
“What is useful to me – in this moment – NOW?”
“What is useful when there is a trigger that alarms me, that screams fear or anger or doubt, worry or confusion?”
The practice true for me now is to move into my heart…and return to my heart…over and over and over again.
i am responsible for my own spiritual practice and accountable only to myself and my relationship with the Earth and the Divine.
There is no judgment, no rule, no expectation. I am that I am in each moment.
I am as I am in each moment.
I accept and trust and love myself as I am in each moment.
It is in this way that I am practicing. Being. Just being. Open. Alert. With respect and kindness for myself and others as I am. (which is not always great…but there you go. I trust and observe what is.)
The Spring Equinox is coming. Life is waking up all around us. Perfect time to tune in and seek permission from the land around you (or a piece of the land around you) to offer a blessing. When you get the go ahead, this post provides a respectful way. Blessings.
Last week, I provided an overview of the AODA’s seven-element system. I have worked with this system as my primary magical and energetic practice for almost 15 years and have found it to be an extraordinarily flexible and engaging approach to working with the land, the spirits of nature, and providing blessing and healing to the land. Thus, today’s ritual is a land blessing ceremony, with both solitary practitioner and group variants.
Many traditional land blessing ceremonies include using some form of energy (in our case, the seven elements) to bless and protect a space. This ceremony draws upon the energy of the seven directions for blessing and healing. This ceremony is ideally done walking the perimeter of a piece of land you want to protect. If you aren’t able to walk a perimeter of the space due to…
View original post 1,345 more words
Today, I just read a really cool article for me on healing the Mother Wound. I am really on a journey here and thought I would share with you another step in my process. This article is from Bethany Webster at bethanywebster.com
Maybe it will resonate with you also. Cheers!
Unbelievable few months. Today, I was truly blessed with an epiphany – a gift of blessing, freedom and release from self-imposed mental torture that I have allowed since my acquiescence to unspoken conditioning began. To recap:
I am from the United States originally and have been living at the Findhorn Foundation in Scotland for the past several months. Living and breathing and practicing – not work as it had been known – but love, “love in action.” Findhorn is indeed a very special space – the veils are thin and there is an energy here that supports and expands you to be your highest and best self.
That being said, in late November, at Thanksgiving time, I found myself not in the U.S. where Thanksgiving is a critical event at the beginning of – what can be – a desperate and draining holiday season. I mean, at breakfast on Thanksgiving morning at Findhorn in Scotland, I found myself at a table with people from France, The Netherlands, Brazil, Portugal, England and South Africa. Not a one really had any clue what Thanksgiving Day is like. This was so interesting for my first time being in a new country for an old holiday. A Norwegian kindly went out later that morning to get a turkey and fixings for the 2 Americans in the house. The meal was delicious and the holidays began.
As time went on and Solstice approached and passed, Christmas Eve was different, Christmas Day as well and then we had Boxing Day which is the real holiday where (I was told) the wealthy used to give their servants a box the day after Christmas along with the day off. Then New Year’s Eve which was spectacular with a clear starry night, a silent walk through our labyrinth and then up into our Sanctuary for a silent meditation and then “nibbles” until midnight (or after for some). New Year’s Day was no TV or football (U.S. style) and I found I had escaped a lot of the external madness that had always been rampant. Oh yes, and we ate very well. Some tasty new treats and a good time was had by all.
That was the external human side of things. Also during this time, I became aware of way cosmic and way elemental energies ramping up. Read somewhere that a tsunami of change on all levels (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, ether is, etc.) was coming. I could feel it. As the “water” receded from shore, all kinds of feelings were exposed.
It began with receiving an email from a former family member with the subject heading “forgive.” There was some past things between us. There was no apology in the text. There was a statement that I was missed and that a relationship was wanted of support and encouragement. Right. It felt like a one way street and I had been or allowed myself to be hurt on more than one occasion. My feelings were all over the place. The biggest for me was “I love you…but…(add here whatever, for me it was “but don’t hurt me). A dear friend would kindly explain to me that this was not love.
It got deeper. I observed myself withdraw from people who spoke negatively (meanly) to me or who spoke about negative things. I recognised my right not to participate but internally started to struggle to find a way to justify my behaviour.
And I chose not to respond to the initial email.
Then, there was a big project at the Foundation our whole team was helping and I got overwhelmed by the feelings that I felt and that I was unconsciously picking up as we “spring cleaned” throughout this beautiful old Victorian Hotel. I withdrew and old feelings of not fitting in, not being good enough, not working up to other’s standards…I could go on. Just a maelstrom of all kinds of not positive feelings about me.
Here I am at Findhorn…Where is the light? Where is my light? Where is my love?
Seemingly out of nowhere, I was reading things online and got a great book (Healing Resistance by Kazu Haga) about “fawning” – pleasing others to the point of subsuming or knowing self and internal violence – being unrelentingly mentally cruel to one’s self. Just reading gave some, but not much, relief. Also, cosmically, the energy influxes are real (January 12th and 13th, 2020 were two of the most powerful days I have experienced in my life) and powerful – game changers. February 2, 2020 was a perfect palindrome day. The world – this beautiful blue green planet – will never be what it was ever again. We are on the uptick. Going up. Things are – everything is – going to get more and more better from here without a doubt.
So, why wasn’t I feeling it. I was getting more stressed about how I was inside. My most important friend with whom we shared and provided invaluable support for months – seemingly quit speaking with me…or did I quit speaking…what happened…the connection…the quality time together was not happening. I struggled to figure out what was going on…what had I done or said or what? Could not figure it out and so I let it be outwardly. Spiritually, I knew to trust and surrender. Mentally, I was churning with this and all of the other times I felt disconnected from someone important to me. Where was the answer…this went on for days…until today.
There is a magic recipe that never fails me for relief. It is a recipe that is beyond simple and that, when the going gets tough, I often do not utilise (foolishly) until it is the last resort. Like I am determined to “go it alone” or figure it out on my own. Well, it is not possible. First, we are never alone. Even if you do not have a physical being present, the unseen beings of love and light that surround you are always providing you with comfort, support, tips whether you are aware or not. You know, all that I read online or the cool books I came across are part of that.
The magic recipe is to ask for Divine Assistance without expectation. I was desperate this morning and I surrendered my pride (and whatever else I am not sure) and I asked for Divine Assistance. I also surrendered assumption because after I made my request, nothing happened. At least not right away and so I forgot. So, letting go of the request (out of mind) and releasing the request to the universe is important too.
Anyway, this is what happened. You can know that you have done very well if you got all the way here to see why I have taken the time to write this blog.
This morning, I was making coffee and teas for the Dining Room. A coworker from the Kitchen brought me a pitcher of hot milk which is important to my process as it is so loved by coffee drinkers. As he set the pitcher down, I looked into his eyes and said sincerely from the heart “Thank You. You know that people love hot milk.” His eyes really lit up. He really received my gratitude and sincerity. I could feel it. And I added “It is the simple things that are the most important.”
Boom. Less than 5 minutes later, I had an epiphany that heals and improves all my relating for the rest of my life. I have found freedom and the following is it for me:
Each time a human being appears in front of you in the moment. This is a miracle and gift to you from the Universe. The Universe is attempting to communicate with you directly. All the atoms and molecules have coalesced into something that is so similar to you but is not you. This is worth your attention. Now I know.
The only responsibility that I have at any moment is to pay attention to and give love to what appears to me In the moment. To this human being, I will look them in the eyes, share kindness, honouring myself and them. This is all that I am responsible for. (Of course, I can also choose not to have the interaction but).
There is no other responsibility or truth except for the present moment now. What happened yesterday or two years ago when I said or did something I felt bad about or the other person did not do what I thought they should have done or said or whatever. There is no apology or explanation or assumption or expectation or responsibility that I have beyond the present moment.
All the mental thoughts I had wasted wondering what I could do to fix, what I need to say or give or what they should give me or say, etc. Is a waste of time. If it was bad yesterday, it can be better today and it is better with kindness and love in the present moment. That’s it. The past is gone and the future does not exist. For the first time, be here now sunk to a deeper moment more visceral level for me. I am so in love with life.
These feelings reminded me of two things that I have carried with me from the past.
On a public television program about relationships, the speaker once proposed that: “Each morning when you are in your kitchen getting a cup of coffee with your husband or wife or loved one. Consciously look at them and consciously choose in that moment to be with that person and know that you are sharing your life and love with the right person now and would have no one else.” Lovely thought.
Joanna Macy wrote in her autobiography that before she married her husband, they were visiting a friend who was also a minister when they were living in Harlem. He said to the young couple: “Always consider your loved one a mystery, someone you do not know but are fascinated by and very interested in.” This, to me, is so beautiful, for I often do not know myself, nor do I assume that I do. What a gift it is to not assume we know what another wants or needs or is like? What a gift to not expect certain reactions, etc.
I will leave it here for now.
From my heart to yours, please keep in mind and ponder what resonates and, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away and get on with loving yourself and this Beautiful life that we are all creating together.
Peace and love and joy and light to you, Elizabeth